boleh tak kita bina mesin masa?

boleh tak kita pergi ke masa lampau untuk kita betulkan masalah yang kita pernah lakukan?
orang ramai cakap yang kalau kite xpernah buat salah,kite tak kan belajar dari kesalah dan kita tak kan berjaga2 dalam buat apa2 keputusan.
tapi,aku harap aku dapat balik semula ke masa lampau aku.

semasa aku masih lagi ada kewarasan untuk menentukan hidup aku sendiri,
semasa aku masih lagi boleh berbual,merasa dan melihat arwah ayah aku yang telah tiada,
semasa aku masih lagi sedar akan kepentingan masa depan,
ketika aku dapat merasakan kasih dan sayang daripada keluarga aku,
ketika aku masih ada tujuan dalam keluarga,
ketika aku rasa disayangi :)

bukan niat aku nak merungut atas cubaan dan dugaan yang ditulis utk aku.

cuma aku rasa kosong dan lemah untuk teruskan semua ni sendirian.

the worst news :(

i broke up with my taylor lautner sentul version..
he said i can't fill himself, i can't make him happy.
he also said that he is confused,had issues with himself and he just wanted to leave.


so, to him :-

i tried to be the best thing that cud happened to u,
i hope u r happy with ur decision,and i hope that u cud find another girl that cud make u happy.
i dun hate for what've done....i always love you.
i will always care for you.
im sorry i said 'i hope u kena langgar lori', i didn't mean it..
i was angry..and stupid.

i forgived you my dear love.


_cikmas_

memory RTW (Rock The World)

aku tak sure brapa hari bulan tahun niy, tp aku still ingat Rock The World 7, back in 2006..clearly

3 days before..

me:mama,nanti mas nak pegi rocktheworld kat stadium bukit jalil can?

mama:rtw tu apa?selamat ke nak pg?brapa masuk?

me:masuk rm25 je, selamat la mama, xramai pun yang pegi..hehe

mama:oke la,tp jaga diri elok2, nanti mama kasi duit

me:ok (dalam hati, gile cool mama aku niy)

me:kalau mas nak pierce bawah bibir mas niy bole x?

mama:mama malas nak cakap ape la mas, awak kan dah besar panjang, mas pikir lah sendiri,xkan bnda2 mcm tu pun nak mama bagi tau

me:oke ma, sorry.

26 December,saturday

setelah puas menghiburkan diri..
aku pun pulang ke esokkan harinya,sebab mlm tu tido umah kawan aku


mama:mas, ape yang mas buat dgn bibir tu, apa bnda yang kat bawah bibir tu?kan mama dah ckp jangan la nak buat bnda2 merepek ni, awak tu skolah lagi.xkan tu pun nak mama ckp?

me:mama kan dah suruh mas pikir, mas dah habis pikir la..(rasa bersalah menular dalam diri)

mama:im very upset with u lah..

me:terus naik bilik tak keluar2..

What happened?
that time, i was 16,stupid and confused...nak dijadikan cerita, tertarik tengok orang pierce bibir n nak sangat try.With a help from my kawan @ abang hensem Afitz Ismail, die pun tolong la pierce kan bibir aku niy.and lepas balik rumah, kena marah dgn mama n family siap kena sindir dengan arwah ayah

Moral of the stories..
kite semua ada lalu satu fasa 'buat bnda x pikir panjang'..untuk mengelak kan bnda2 mcm niy jadi...kesimpulannya pikir pnjang.cube pikir apa yang mungkin akan jadi lepas apa yang kite pilih untuk buat tu..in my case, mcm mana kalau jarum cucuk tu x bersih?mcm mana kalau tinggal parut?..hah..satu lagi, kalau kite jadi mak, jangan guna dialog mama saya ''
pikirlah sdri,awak dah besar pnjang, x kan lah bnda mcm tu pun mama nak bgtau' sebab nanti anak2 yang pandai mcm aku niy buat bnda bodoh..hehe

bila pikir2 balik, mcm x faham kenapa aku tindik bibir niy, xde rasa aku cool pun.rasa mcm orang x reti ckp ade la..

P/s:sorry mama :)

to the one i loved most

dear b,
i love the way you makes me smile,
the way you looked at me and tells me that everything gonna be ok
,and the way you makes me laughed.
i love the facts that you will be by my side when im in deep shit.
I cherish the moments we hav together. i love your big nose, your Ne-Yo lips and your taylor lautner eyes.I can stares at them the whole day without complains.
i love the way you talks, the way you walks and even the way you hold my hand.
for what reason you are still here with me,i thanked you and i'll cherish you my love.
I could not live another day without you by my side.to be blessed with your love and compassion..
I thanked God for sending me you as my sweet guardian angel.
i love you now and forever lah sayang.

9th october 2010, selamat tinggal Ayah

Tepat 9.27 a.m in perdana specialist hospital,kota baharu..ayah aku telah menghembuskan nafasnya yang terakhir. Walaubagaimanapun,aku dan adik beradik aku yang lain sempat berjumpa dgn arwah ayah aku. Ayah aku meninggal sebab haemoglobin dlm badan dia terlebih lepas operation keluarkan batu kat hempedu dia tu. tp senang cerita, kita anggap ayah aku meninggal sebab ajal dia dah sampai. Dari kota bharu, aku,kak era,mama n pak cik sham aku naek van jenazah dr Kb ke chendering untuk memenuhi impian arwah untuk dikebumikan di kampung arwah di sini...
its been so hard for me to accept the fact that i my lost my father, my only father.
i just wish that i've spent more time with him, i just wish that i've known earlier that he was sick.

Ayah, i love you and i will always miss u. i'll pray for you ayah.

permulaan baru ;)

alhamdullilah,thanks God lecturer aku dah pun luluskan permohonan cuti aku. Walau pun nak dapatkan signature dia tu azab jugak la kan.haih.tp x pe la,as long as aku happy and aku doa supaya hati aku niy betul2 niat nak buat permulaan baru. Tahun 2010 penuh dgn dugaan, cabaran, makian, dan tekanan. Tak boleh nak salahkan sesiapa kalau kite yang xdpt nak control life kita niy kan. Aku kena kuat sket la skang niy n kena pegi tebalkan muka, cari kerja.Next sem xdpt duit ptptn dah..hehe.serve u rite mas ;)

it's NOT TRUE!!

i'm so sorry,wrong tittle..
it's true..but it's not me
:)

what's on my mind

-i can't sleep for the past one week..darn it!-
-i need to diet-
-more time please-
-fashion,i can't stand u anymore-
-music <3-
-learning to play a guitar,until now..sigh~-
-MUST have a driving license ASAP-
-love my best friends-
-i'm in denial-
-talks to much-
-why porn star must have huge boobs,nice ass and stripper heels?-
-what is wrong with people nowadays?-
-what i've done is wrong-
-that's it for now..maybe-

i want them..so cute :)

i didnt write for a long time and i already deleted all of my past blog..

its not like my life is empty,
or because i'm so busy living my life..
its just that i just want to stop blogging for a while.
to just stop and think about something more important.
to stop blogging and blaming others about my life..


i;m starting new :)